Yes, that is right, the 12 steps, I did it Myyy Wayyy! Like Frank Sinatra sang the song “I did it my way”! I did the 12 Steps my own way and am sure glad it worked out in my favor.
In this post, I am going to give you each step and then tell you how I interpreted them to serve my own needs and become sober.
The 12 Steps and how I did it my way!
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.
Boy, now that is an understatement! I was, I was powerless against its grasp and it had me right where it wanted me.
My life had become a blur and all I did was either work for or woke up for was, to pour more of the evil drink down my throat and drown life out.
Unmanageable? Yeah that too. I could not manage to get clean to save my life yet my life was saved once I got out from under its spell. Things fell apart from day to day and I thought,in my drunken state that I was managing just fine.
That was the farthest from the truth.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Now, at the time…I could not wrap my head around this. I had been out of the loop as far as my higher power was concerned.
Not until I was talking with another AA member about this step did or could I get over this step. It was a difficult step to take. This person told me that my higher power did not necessarily have to be God, this made it a little easier on me and at the time I considered the only higher power I could think of, my father who passed back in 1999 due to Cancer.
None the less, I figured that thinking of what my father would’ve thought of me getting sober would have made him the proudest father of all. I wish he was here to see this day. I miss you Dad and you always will be my higher power.
As far as the sanity part, that did not come easily. That took me a few months of keeping sober. My sobriety is what brought my sanity back in check.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Now, like previously mentioned, I did not truly believe but I tried my best to learn the teachings. Which if you take the time to read the Bible, there are many good writings in there about how to live your life to be better.
I am still trying to this day to understand Him. I would like to think there is one who is watching over me for me to make the right decisions in life. I just have not “felt Him” as many others have or do.
Yet for some strange reason, I still stay away from alcohol and who knows why, I still cannot explain it myself. I am hoping as well as my Fiance’ that I will see that light one day.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
This is one of those steps I still am not sure if I have the correct meaning of yet.
I did a “soul search” and without to much fear, decided to take the “leap of faith” towards keeping myself in check and realizing what I had lost compared to what I could gain from getting sober and staying that way.
I had to search within myself to find what kind of person I could and would become as many do when they decide to become sober. So far, it is working to my benefit.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Now, I did admit my wrongs to myself first because, that is the only way I could do it. You have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with another person, that I know.
I had much support when embarking on this journey and had admitted my wrongs to so many people and asked for their forgiveness which I still do to this day.
I kind of mixed this step with steps 8 and 9 as I thought that they go hand in hand.
As far as the exact nature of my wrongs well, that is a difficult one to touch on because while being drunk, I never realized what wrongs I did or even remember. Some I do, most I don’t.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Oh boy… This step I had a hard time with. I have always believed that you can never remove all of your defects of character only because, it is what makes you, you.
What I mean by this is, sometimes a defect can be a good thing. That is how we learn from our mistakes and taking back and removing all defects is a hard task to accomplish.
I am hoping one day to feel the power of God in my life so as to have all of my defects rid out of my soul. I am not ready to give myself and shed all of the beliefs that has made me who I am today. I hope some of you understand this.
Here, let me give you some background on me just to clear the air… I was Baptized when I was a child, I had my First Communion, I went to Sunday School and was learning the best I could about Jesus and the power of God. I am not sure when or exactly why I strayed from this practice yet I did. I formed my own thoughts on the way the world was brought into existence. This does not make me a bad person! I never tell another person that what they believe in is wrong, I just don’t.
Maybe this is from my early teachings of Christ, who knows. I would love the feeling that when I die all will be taken care of and my soul will be reunited with others from my past that are no longer with us. I just for the life of me, cannot wrap my head around it. Maybe because my life is not how I want it to be as of yet, who knows. He might know but has yet to let me know or maybe I just have not stopped to listen well enough yet.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
I have from time to time asked either myself or out loud to anyone who was willing to listen to help me remove my shortcomings, humbly at times, sometimes not.
Like previously stated, some of these shortcomings or defects, I really do not want removed yet, they are what keep me striving to be better than I was yesterday, the day before and even a little over 3 years ago.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
I have a list in my head of all persons that I had brought harm to or even put in danger when I was an alcoholic and have been and still striving to make amends with them.
I have been ignored quite a few times too. I feel that all I can do is ask for their forgiveness. Let them know that I feel very badly for what I put some people though. Does this mean they will forgive me, no…that is their right though and I do not harbor any hatred towards them for not accepting my apologies.
My list is still vast and one day at a time, I try to reach out and say hello, tell them I still remember the better times and try to remind them that not all things are unrecoverable like friendships or even trust at this point in time.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Injure others… At the time I was getting sober, honestly I never thought of many other people other than myself and my immediate family.
All others, I figured knew that I had injured myself more than I did them. I was not a violent person while drunk except a few times but NEVER ever hit anyone in anger while drunk or buzzed! Actually, fighting is not my forte.
There are just a few that I will not try to even contact because even after my sobriety, I tried to contact them and they said “I never want to hear from you ever again, no matter what”!
So, as far as injuring any others, there are a few but not in the way of injuring physically.
Yet not bringing up painful pasts and this is how I read this step.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
O.K., now this step was and still is a difficult one to touch on. I have a really bad time admitting when I am wrong. Many of us do even though we may say or think we don’t.
But as far as my alcohol abuse, I did not have a rough time admitting that my actions were very wrong, this was something that deep down inside I knew I was wrong about. After quitting, I was the first to admit my wrongs about my addiction and still do to this day.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Prayer and meditation… I did a bit of meditation at times but as far as the prayers go… I prayed but still not sure if it was to God or my higher power. Either way, it comforted me knowing that somewhere, someone was willing to lend an ear.
As for the power to carry out His knowledge, I am still hoping to one day get that power in my life.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Spiritual awakening… Yes, I believe I have had that. Not only at first but everyday that I continue to be sober. Even writing this blog post I feel I have become more awakened to the power of God and the healing powers He has.
I try everyday to spread the word about becoming sober and the endless possibilities that accompany this process.
Becoming sober is one thing but to start is a whole other step, one that I am not sure that you can learn from any text book yet one you have to experience for yourself.
I have many friends that are alcoholics even to this day. I try not to push my views about alcohol onto them but try to give them the insights to how much better I have become since my days of ending my alcoholism.
Life is wonderful when sober! I just wish they could find out for themselves one day. I can only hope and yes…pray.
12 steps, I did it Myyy Wayyy!
I want to thank a really good friend for helping me with the title for this post! Thank you David 🙂
Out of all the people I have looked up to for guidance during the years of my sobriety, you have been one of those key players to my drive, my passion and yearning to help people better themselves.
When I first became sober, I did go to AA but I did not go all this time during my sobriety. Actually, I never received my 1 year chip… I left AA before I got it. I do plan on returning to let all there know that I never gave up or gave into my old addiction.
AA is not for everyone as I can tell you. It deals with God or a higher power and if you are not comfortable with thinking along these terms like I was in the beginning then it may set you back a bit and have nowhere to turn to.
That is why I have started anewstartonlife.me
I started this blog as a way for others to see that getting sober is possible even without the belief of God or a higher power yet it is a struggle. One that is attainable though as I can attest to. I did it, it was not easy by any stretch of the imagination yet it is possible!
One thing that I can honestly say is, you have to get out of your old habits and into new ones. For me, that was creating websites. I have made all new friends online who support me never really knowing me yet love to read my stories about how I became sober.
Old friends of mine as well as those who supported me through those times of me making that transition still hold a special place in my heart.
My family is and always have been the key driving force to all of it though, hands down!
As far as my friend David… He has taught me to never give up on my dreams, always strive to learn new things and take control of your own destiny! He is an awesome teacher of online entrepreneurship and I hope to shake hands with the man who I have been talking to and following for almost my entire time of being sober. Thanks again David!
I hope what I have written about how I interpreted the 12 steps helps those who needs it the most and happy to say, I did it Myyy Wayyy! 🙂 You can too!!
